Monday was a bad day for our family. Our Papa passed away. I don’t think I’ve ever been so sad in all my life. He was the most kind-hearted person I’ve ever known and I’ll miss him so much. I’m sad for myself and I’m sad for Roo and Lu, because they’ll never know this amazing man the way I knew him, but I’m so surprised at how much they do recall. Telling them he was gone was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. But again, they surprised me with how they handled it. I have to admit that I was dreading it so I put it off as long as I could. The morning of the funeral Daddy and I decided it was time. We weren't taking the girls to the funeral but we would all be going to Ma and Papa's house after the funeral and the girls would know he wasn't there. So snuggled up on the couch with Lu beside me and Roo on my lap I started with, "We're going to Ma and Papa's house today." After a long pause I said, "But Papa won't be there." Before I could tell them why Roo looks at me with that curious and innocent, yet wise beyond her years look and says, "Well, where is he gonna be, Mom?" So I told her that Papa had gotten sick and gone to Heaven to be with Jesus and her other Great Grandpa and all the angels. Again, with that same face shes asks, "Well, when's he coming back, Mom?" And it crushed me to have to tell her that he wasn't ever coming back. That's when the tears started to flow. Mine. And hers. And then Lu's came, too. I told her it was okay to cry and it was okay to be sad because we would all miss Papa, but that he was safe and happy in Heaven with Jesus and Great Grandpa and all the angels and that when she closed her eyes to pray she could talk to him. I told her she could tell him anything she wanted, that he wouldn't talk back to her, but that he would always be watching over us. And she says, "You mean like Santa Claus?" "Yes, Roo, like Santa Claus." And that was about it. We shed some more tears, we hugged and I told her I loved her. At that point The Lu didn't really get it. Or at least I didn't think she did.

A little later in the morning I was in the bathroom and Lu came in with huge crocodile tears and says, "Mommy, I want my Papa." I couldn't even find words and if I had I know that wouldn't have come out. All I could do was hold her and hug her and cry along with her. When I could finally speak I told her that it would all be okay because Papa was in a happy place now. I guess it must have taken some time for it to sink in, but she definitely knew what was going on.

Even later in the morning Roo and I were in the bathroom drying her hair when she turned to me a said, "Mom, will you turn that thing off for a minute?" I knew something deep was coming. She said, "Mom, how did my Papa get sick?" I explained to her that Papa was very old. I told her that she was four, that mommy was thirty-one and that Papa was eighty-six and that sometimes when people got really old they got sick and they were better off to go to heaven and be with Jesus. She still had a very concerned look on her face so I told her that in Heaven nobody gets sick and that everyone is happy. "Your Papa is up there in Heaven with Jesus and Great Grandpa and all the angels and they're having a good ol' time," I told her. And suddenly with a smile on her face she says, "Mom, I bet they're bowling!" We have always told the girls that the sound of thunder is the angels bowling. She put two and two together and made sense of everything I had said. It's amazing how their minds work and how amazingly innocent their little hearts are. And it's funny how I found more strength in the situation that I thought was going to bring out my biggest weakness. Thank you Roo, for giving me so much strength and love. You'll never know how much you helped me through.

All my love,

Mommy